


Letter(s) from America

by LovelyMissMae



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America, England - Freeform, M/M, Romance, Sad, eventually happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-02-25 17:59:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2630975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyMissMae/pseuds/LovelyMissMae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>America decides to write a letter to England.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Letter 1

Dear England,

It’s been so long since I have last spoken to you. Sometimes I think back to the days of my Revolution and I wonder if it all was a mistake. Sure some people were unhappy and you were a bit of a jerk, but all that pain… all that suffering. Was it worth it? I suffer even now. Sometimes I think back on it and my scars feel as if they are new. Sometimes I go to my storage room and I hold the little toy soldiers you gave me and I pretend I am small and unknowing. I pretend that I haven’t grown a day and when you finally return from overseas you’ll tuck me in and read me a story with dragons and fairies and princesses. 

England… is there a part of you that still hates me? I know we don’t get along. Anytime we see each other we argue. I know you think of me as an idiot and well, sometimes I am one, but even idiots can feel pain. I try to brush off the things you say, but a few of them stick. And when they stick I feel them eating away at me. My confidence crumbles, and I am stuck with all of these fears and all of these demons. I’m always trying to be a hero for other people, but where is my hero? Who is going to save me when I crack for good?

I miss your smile. I miss your slightly crooked teeth and God how I miss your laugh. Your laugh could always make my day brighter, even if you were laughing at my expense. I miss your hair in the sun and the way your eyes lit up whenever fairies were brought into the conversation. I miss the way you would nag at me to stop being a slob or to eat better. I guess you never got over being a doting parent; or an annoying big brother. What I miss the most though is the way you would look at me when you thought no one could see. What did you see in me Arthur? What is it that you see in me, that no matter how hard I look in the mirror, I can’t find?

I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for walking into your life, for walking out of it. I’m sorry for being the reason you hate rain. I’m sorry for being obnoxious and overbearing. I’m sorry for every tear I’ve ever made you cry. I’m sorry for being the mistake that you most likely regret the most. I’m just so sorry.

There has been something I’ve wanted to tell you for awhile. It’s been on my mind and every time I have wanted to bring it up to you, you’ve pushed me away or I royally screwed up before I even had a chance to compose myself. So I thought, why not write everything out in a letter? Maybe, just maybe you’ll get curious someday and open it. You’ll read all of these words and you’ll either toss this in the fire, or cry, or call me up to call me a bloody git. Who knows? I just hope that you read this before you do decide to toss it into the fire. 

I love you, Arthur. It took me a very long time to realize these feeling and I first I was confused. You had been a mentor in my life, someone I looked up to and admired. You were an enemy from which I wanted to rid myself of. You were a pain in the ass more times than I could count. But behind all of those things, buried deep and sometimes right at the surface, I loved you. I loved you when you cooked for me as a child. I loved you when we pointed muskets at each other and I declared my Independence. I loved you last week at the United Nations meeting when you wouldn’t so much look my way. I love you now as I write this letter. 

I’m not sure if you’ll accept my feelings, but that’s okay, because I finally said what I needed to say. I wasn’t very poetic about it and I’m sure I could have been more romantic with my words. But you know I’ve never been too good with that sort of thing. But if you gave me the chance, if you decided that you could possibly be with me, then I could show you. Oh, how I would show you Arthur. I would court you like you’ve never seen before. I’d put 50’s dating to shame. I’d do everything I could to make sure that you wouldn’t regret your choice. I would listen to your worries and problems and I would do everything I could to make you all right again. 

I’m not really sure of what else to say. I’ve been going on for awhile now and I already feel like a fool for pouring my feelings out onto a piece of paper that you might never read. I guess I’ll end it here. Just please, England…Arthur, if you do read this, let me know. In some way, shape, or form, let me know so that I don’t go on wondering for centuries to come how you felt about me in return. 

 

Yours Truly,  
America


	2. Letter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America just has a hard time getting all his feelings out properly.

Dear England,

The skies just aren’t as blue when I don’t get to share them with you. 

Did you see what I did there? I dipped into my poetic side. I know it’s only a single line, but the words mean a lot to me. Mostly when I look up at the sky, I see this vast amount of grey. When I had you around, everything seemed vivid, as if I was seeing color for the first time. I miss all the color that you brought into my life.

This is the second letter I’m sending to you and I have no clue if you’ve even read the first one. I’ve been checking my phone several times an hour and my mailbox too. I know the letter arrived over there a week ago; I had paid extra for a tracking number. Does that sound stalkery? Maybe a little bit. But, it would have driven me crazy not knowing if it had even made it over to you. I hope that when you do read it, that you will get a hold of me, even if it is to reject me. But let’s move on to something a little more positive.

Tony, you know that little alien dude I hang around with, finally came home. Things have been a little less lonely with him around, but the dude’s crazy sometimes. Sure it’s funny watching the farmers freak out about the crop circles he draws, but he sort of takes up a lot of space. (Haha, get it? Space? I should be a comedian.) But seriously though. Not only does he cuss me out all the time, but the little grey guy has gotten addicted to the awesome that is Micky D’s, so now I’m spending all this money on his endless and bottomless stomachs. I already have enough debt building up without him clearing out every restaurant in a five mile radius. 

I guess you wouldn’t care about all that, huh? You never were a fan of Tony in the first place. I have to admit, I don’t think he was a big fan of you either, which is pretty lame, since you guys both mean a whole lot to me. But I learned a long time ago that not everyone can be friends.

I could tell you about what’s going on in my country. You probably see it on the news already, but you don’t see how it affects me. These past couple of years, I feel like I’m really being torn apart. It isn’t Civil War bad or anything, but it does remind me a lot of that. I know we are personifications of the lands we represent, but it’s really hard sometimes. I don’t hold any real power. I just feel the pain of the people, the economy, and the choices that actual people in power make. Why is that fair at all? You’re probably feeling smug about that though. Dumb Alfred gets what he deserves for being so young and naïve. Damn, I’m starting to rant again. I wish I could tell you all of this in person. But lately, when I think of even seeing you, I start to clam up. Maybe I shouldn’t have sent that first letter, but it’s too late now. It’s in your possession and the only way to get it back would be to secret agent 007 my way in there and try to take it back without getting caught.

I wouldn’t actually do that. Okay, maybe I would, but I know I would get caught, so whatever. ANYWAY! Don’t go on high security alert or anything! Code Red, White, and Blue: America’s being an idiot again.

How did I start off so strong but end up like this? Jeez. I just can’t stay from depressing topics like this, can I? When did I become such a sap? I feel like I’m falling back into the Depression, which to some people I sort of am? I feel that if I had you in my life, things would be so much better. I don’t want us to fight anymore unless it is about the furniture in our future home. I want to hold your hand and give you two kisses for every time I’ve wanted to kiss you once. 

I could run my hands through your hair Arthur, and tell you everything that I love about you. I could tell you now, but I’m not really ready. I haven’t had practice writing any of it down and I already sound like such a fool with everything else I’ve said, so maybe I’ll wait for another letter. I just need you to know that I love you. I love you so much, Arthur. I don’t know how many more letters I’ll send, but I promise in one of them I’ll tell you all the ways I love you.

I guess I’ll end this here.

Yours truly,   
America

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, I wrote another one. I think this will have six chapters, five of them being letters from America and the last being an actual chapter where the character communicate.   
> We'll see.


	3. Letter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say sorry for taking so long to get back to this! A lot has changed in the two years since I started writing this, so I am going to do my best to seem like I picked up where I left off and not that Alfred hasn't sent a letter in so long. 
> 
> Hopes you guys still enjoy!

Hey England, 

So I did that thing again and got a tracking number on the second letter I sent you. It arrived arrived three weeks ago. So over a month has passed and either you have destroyed my letters, have not opened them, or have opened them and are in such a complete state of shock that you do not know what to do. All three are a very real reality. I'm not deterred from writing you more letters. At least not yet anyway. Maybe I'll try email, but I am not even sure you know how to work it and all with being a dinosaur. That's why I went with letters in the first place. There is something about getting a piece of mail in your name that isn't a bill or piece of advertisement that just makes you smile. And that's all I want to do, Arthur. Is make you smile. 

Tony went back out into the great, vast, never ending universe. I think he got tired of me moping all the time. That and I told him he actually had to start doing chores around the house if he wanted me to keep buying me McDonald's. He told me that I was starting to sound like you. Usually its weird when you start to sound like other people, but I didn't mind when he said that. I guess in some way it made me feel closer to you, even if it has been years since we last actually hung out. 

I adopted a cat. He's this big fur ball who is super temperamental. Sometimes he loves being pet and other times I don't see him for days. I guess in some ways he reminds me of you. Then again, everything seems to remind me of you. Anyway, I named him Americat aka CheeseBurger. I mean, he doesn't ever come when I call him by either name, but I think they are pretty cool anyway. I've taken lots of photos and videos of him since I've brought him home and I'm starting to feel like a proper cat owner. You should get a cat too. They are pretty clean and leave you alone for the most part. So, pretty much the opposite of me. LOL. 

Is it weird to put LOL in a letter? Like, it makes sense to me, but I dunno if it is considered proper letter etiquette? Oh, and LOL means Laugh out Loud, btw. And that means By the Way. I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about, but just in case, ya know?

So, if you can't tell by this point (if you are even reading these) I am putting off the inevitable. That's right. All the ways that I love you. I mean, I've been dropping hints which I think is a nice warm up, but I still don't know what quite to say. I guess I could start my next letter with just putting the pen to the paper and going for it. That's kind of what I have been doing with these ones. Not really thinking much and just going with the flow. Opening my heart up is different. I don't know why since I've already been so weak in these letters, but something stops me every time it starts to get too real. But if you are reading these England, I promise you that the next letter will be everything. 

Your admirer from across the pond, 

Alfred


	4. Letter 4

Hi Arthur, 

I guess this is the big letter, huh? Well, here goes everything, I guess. 

I want to feel the warmth of your skin on mine like a warm sunny day. I want to taste your sweet lips on mine, sugary and hot like fresh apple pie. I want to hold your hand and never let go because nothing else will feel that perfect. I dream of running my fingers through your messy hair as we lay in bed next to each other. Your breathing is even and your eyes closed as we just enjoy each others company. I imagine you making me food because you can't stand the thought of fast food, but we end up going out anyway because your food is too burnt to actually eat. I kiss you over and over again, letting you know not to be upset and that there's always tomorrow to try again. 

I see this entire life with you, Arthur, and it is so much better than the life I live alone now. I like to think about all the things we would do together if you would let me into your life. Eat, sleep, shower, watch TV... and the list goes on. The closer I am to you, Arthur, the happier I become. I can feel excitement in a way that I thought had disappeared. You make my heart race just from a single glance and that often flusters me, which leads to us fighting. I know it's wrong, but I get a joy out of seeing you so riled up and it makes me want to kiss you. Over and over again until we can't remember what we were just fighting about. Of course, I would love to be able to kiss you without having to fight at all. 

You have wowed me from the very beginning. From the first moment that you found me wandering around in the vast emerald field. You were so powerful and a little bit scary, but I knew right away that I liked you and that I wanted to be as confident as you some day as a nation. Unfortunately, it seems that we both had pride too great to be shared, but that never stopped me from being wowed. Even after my revolution you leaned on me for support in times of need. I wish you that I could lean on you. I need you so much right now. 

I think that we would have a beautiful relationship, Arthur. I'm sure some of the other nations would laugh at us or think we would never last, but I know that we could. We've been through so much and I would do anything for you to make things work. I would start drinking tea, call cookies biscuits, and do what ever other British things that you like. I want to show you that I can be the kind of man that you want and need, not just a nation. I want to show you that a rainy day can be just as beautiful as a sunny one if you are with the right person. 

I'm always thinking of you, Arthur. I think I've said that so many times already, but it's true. Your the only thing on my mind these days and I am not sure what I would do if you actually contacted me back. I hope that you do and that when you do, you will tell me you love me as well. I'll wait for ever for you, Arthur. I just hope it doesn't take that long. 

Desperately yours, 

Alfred.


	5. Letter 5

Arthur, 

It's been a few months since I sent my last letter and I haven't heard back. I'm not sure if I should even continue with writing these. Maybe this will be the last one. That way you won't have to worry about throwing them out or wondering if you should ever read them. 

I guess I got hopeful, ya know? My American dream was to have you in my life and I got really swept up in it. I should have realized sooner that it was just foolish hope. Why would you ever want to be with a dumb guy like me? I'll never be able to give you all the things you want and I'll probably make you more angry then I ever would happy. I don't know why I even started writing these letters to you. You haven't looked at me with an ounce of happiness in years. Any time we talk it is business or us patronizing each other. I guess I just saw ...potential. 

I don't think I can ever love anyone else the way that I love you. I have history with many other nations and I have hurt so many people, but you were the one person I really turned my back on. While, I don't regret it, I do regret what it did to us. You were there for me, Arthur and you loved me. You helped me grow so much and without you... I feel like maybe we separated too early. And I don't mean our countries, but us. Our human selves. My mind, my body, even my soul, yearn for your touch and acceptance. I'm not sure I'll ever get it though. I think that in your eyes, I'll always be an idiot who just makes mistakes. 

I know it took me so long to write the last letter because I said I needed courage to do so. I feel like this one is taking even more. I should have known that showing my love for you was not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Me, writing this and moping, this is weakness. I'm sorry that I am not what you wanted, Arthur. I know that I said I would change for you, but I shouldn't have to do that. You should be able to love me for me and accept me for who I am. I don't see that happening though and it hearts my heart. 

This letter is such a mess. A perfect representation of me, both as a human and a nation. 

After all this, I kinda hope that you don't read my letters. Maybe it is best we just stay the way we are and I accept that we'll just be well known acquaintances. I do hope that I can see you soon. Maybe when I see your face or see the way that you react around me, I'll be able to know if you read any of this. I just wish I could get some sort of sign so I don't keep running to the mail box every time the post comes around. I'm pretty sure they switched the person who delivers my mail because the last guy felt I was being too aggressive. 

Anyway, I am going to stop writing now and who knows if I'll even send this one out. Might be better to leave on a happy note.

Alfred


	6. United

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter for this fic. However, due to popular demand, I plan on doing a spin off of England's reactions/responses to America's letters.   
> Thanks for reading!

America was sitting on his couch, flipping through channels on his TV while stuffing Doritos into his mouth. He needed something to keep his mind busy and mindless channel surfing seemed like the best idea. Nothing good seemed to be on and he was sure this was at least his third time going through the thousands of channels that were promised to bring entertainment. Between the loud crunching of his chips and the rhythmic click of his remote, it took him a moment to realize that there was a knock at his door. The sound caught him off guard as he was pretty sure he had not ordered anything and if it had been Tony, the little green dude would have just barged in. 

Setting his remote down and wiping his cheese dusted fingers on his pants, Alfred headed for the door. A flick of the lock and a twist of the doorknob had the door open and Alfred standing there with his mouth hanging open. Standing in front of him was the one thing he desired more than anything. He could not believe the broody green eyes in front of him were actually real. 

"Well, are you going to invite me in or continue staring at me like a bloody idiot?" The Brit questioned. His cheeks were a slight pink and it was obvious he had not dressed for American weather. He had a scarf snug around his neck and an olive pea-coat on over tan trousers. 

"Oh right! Yeah, my bad." America laughed somewhat nervously. It was the only reaction he could have. He was unable to judge by the way England was acting if he had even received the letters he had written. The taller blond stepped back and opened the door further for the terse man. "Why the surprise visit?" He tried asking casually, which was the exact opposite of what he felt. His heart was hammering in his chest and his palms had become sweaty. Did England come all this way to reject him in person?

England walked a few steps into the room, lightly setting his bags down in the hall. The older man was feeling quite the same as Alfred. His heart was going faster than a steam train and he had no idea how the younger male could remain so calm and confident. Obviously he must know why he was here? Turning to face America, he opened his mouth briefly before shutting it. Even though he had recited how he would respond to America a thousand times on the plane on his way here, he still found it difficult to get them out. He cleared his throat and looked the bespectacled man in the eyes. "I'm here because I accept your feelings and return them." If his cheeks had been pink before, they were positively red now. 

America's eyes widened and he was completely speechless. England had come all of this way to return his feelings. Elation rushed through his body and before he could stop himself he let out a loud "Yahoo!" startling the Englishman. He grabbed the Brit and pulled him into a tight hug, squeezing him until he heard England release a puff of air, only to pull back slightly and press their lips together. It had been so long since he wanted to do that and America could not believe that it was happening. He could feel England melting into his arms. For once, in America knew how long, things actually felt right. 

"I love you, Arthur." America said as he broke their kiss, pressing his forehead onto that of the shorter males. 

"I love you too, Alfred." England returned, flustered but content. Perhaps this was a good choice after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write this for awhile. I might write for letters and if people want, I will write return letters from England.


End file.
